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Mario Lavandeira hates to leave the house. He prefers to stay in his gated-community condo, which has all the charm and personality of a just-cleaned motel room, so he can torture the rich and famous from the safety of his computer. He’s been up since 4 am, belly-crawling through the blogosphere to uncover juicy celebrity tidbits for his gossip site, PerezHilton.com. “I work 16, 17, 18 hours a day,” he whines as he stuffs his pear-shaped torso into a black and yellow hoodie and matching track pants that make him look like a giant bumblebee. “I’m not exaggerating. That’s really how much I work.”

But chubby Mario from Miami isn’t the boss around here. The boss is Perez Hilton, his infamous alter ego. Like a queer-eyed Incredible Hulk, this raging diva persona took over the life of shy, schlubby Mario in 2005. In just three years, Hilton has smashed through the Hollywood elite, muscling his way from bottom-feeding blogger to up-and-coming entertainment-business power player.

This particular spring morning hasn’t turned up much news—no bold-named breakups, no leaked sex tapes, no tinted-limo treks to rehab. But Hilton has a hair appointment, and it’s time to get going. So he throws a few celebrity crumbs to the 8 million devotees who rely on him for their daily dish. As usual, they’re delivered in a writing style so breathless you need an inhaler to follow along. Choice samples from Hilton’s oeuvre: OMG! … Justin Timberlake is box office POISON … Jesse Jackson is in Deep Shiz … Amy Winehouse! Her performance was a hot mess!”My site is for people just like me,” he says as we bullet through West Hollywood in his Toyota Camry. “Regular folks.”

Of course, most regular folks aren’t greeted by name at the valet parking stand in front of this chic Beverly Hills beauty salon. Inside, a fawning hair stylist squeals, “My family in Arkansas just loves you!” She takes more than two and a half hours to coif his thick black hair into a spiky ‘do with a Flock of Seagulls wave falling over one eye. As he admires the effect in the mirror, I’m reminded of a drawing I spotted above his living room sofa: Hilton as a grinning vampire perched atop the Hollywood sign. “I want to be the gay Latino Oprah,” he says. “Anything is possible!”

Perez Hilton as a bona fide celebrity? OMG!It’s really happening: First there was Hilton’s wildly successful site. Then came his four-episode TV special, What Perez Sez (which aired on VH1 to respectable ratings), followed by a nationally syndicated on-air gossip gig with ABC Radio. In early 2009, Hilton’s first book, a satirical tell-all titled Red Carpet Suicide: A Survival Guide on Keeping Up With the Hiltons, will hit bookstores. Then there’s the recently launched Hot Topic clothing and accessories line (brace yourself for armies of teenage girls in Team Perez T-shirts and shiny pink Hilton-brand lip gloss).

Now the guy who prefers Bette Midler to Arcade Fire and knows all the lyrics to Paula Abdul’s “Vibeology” is working with Warner Music to launch his own boutique label, with acts handpicked by the blogger himself. “Record labels release so much crap these days, I think I could do really well,” he says as we head back to the condo. “Nothing coming out of my label will be crap. But if it were, it would just be a single. If there’s one crap single that has the potential to make a shitload of money, I’d release it.”

As we pull up to a four-way stop, Hilton gasps. “Look! It’s Seth Green!” Sure enough, the red-haired actor from Austin Powers sits in the next car, staring blankly out the window. “I should say hello to him,” Hilton says, then pauses. “He should say hello to me.”

The blogs-to-riches story of Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr. is the stuff of online legend. In 2004, during what he calls “the worst year of my life,” he was a fame-obsessed loner who had just been fired from a reporting job at Star magazine. (”It poisoned my soul,” he says.) Dreaming of becoming an actor, he moved from New York to LA, unemployed and broke.

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